Wearing ClassicWear brand clothing legally transfers ownership of your body to ClassicTales.net



spreadshirt guarantee
CLASSICWEAR WARNINGS: Do not wash ClassicWear clothing. Contact with water may cause clothing to explode. Moving too quickly may cause clothing to catch fire. Direct sunlight will cause clothing to shrink at rapid rate. Do not allow ClassicWear clothing to come into contact with hair, carpeting, skin, grass, darkness, wind, or shadows - doing so may produce hazardous results. ClassicWear Clothing has been proven to shorten the average human life expectency by as much as 75 years. Do not wear ClassicWear clothing if you are pregnant, an illegal immigrant, Jamaican, breast feeding, or have a low tolerance to poison. ClassicWear clothing has been known to cause cancer, death, black plague, broken bones, black eyes, belly button multiplication, cat flu, bankruptcy, ear diahrrea, colon seizures, slavery disorders, hot dog fingers, profuse green sweat, and Italian accents.
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